Ladies! Bag that senile, obese Caucasian man of your dreams! Bag that green card you’ve been dreaming of.Using man’s gift to juveniles across the wired globe: Friendster. Here are a few tips in achieving just that. So flash that pose and fake your smiles ladies, cuz you go gurl.

From http://www.buttafly.com/originals/friendster2.php

1. Open a friendster account.
2. Create a username that’s bound to catch attention. 2Sexy4U is mostly likely to be taken already. So is B4tt3r3d_M@il_Ord3r_Brid3. Be creative.
3. Grab a good cam and start snapping away.
4. Use the tried and tested “boob-shot.” Wear a flimsy blouse (or any shirt with plunging neckline). Hold your cam and raise your arm. Point it towards your now obvious cleavage. Snap snap. Start uploading these pics.
5. If you can’t fake ‘em, Photoshop ‘em.
6. Add more pics of you in the bed. It lends to the feeling of voyeurism.
7. In your bed, you can do another version of the “boob-shot.” Simply lie down and snap away (remember to keep the boobs in focus… let gravity do it’s work).
8. Snap more pics of you in some over-rated resort, like Boracay. And refer to item #3
9. Snap even more pics of you in some equally over-rated club you’ve been saving up for 6 months. Just remember not to act too juvenile.
10. Play the part of the Japanese schoolgirl and flash the ‘peace’ sign in every single photo-op you can manage to squeeze yourself into.

Now that you made it inside that overpriced, over-rated bar, here are a few tips before you snap away:

From http://www.buttafly.com/originals/friendster2.php

1. get sloshed at ladies’ drinks
2. attempt to look cool and booby and tim-yap-y
3. and of course, don’t forget the “pout”

So there. Good luck ladies!

• Francis M dies
• Spit Or Swallow? Expectorating in Public
• Death By Gasgas
• Almost-’Friendster’-Famous : A How-To
• To Rip is Inhuman, To Err Divine
• Early Creative Memories